It's coming down to the point where I am going to have to find a job. I just don't understand how there are so many people out there with so much money, and those who work so hard for none! This can't be right. I think it is better for a child to stay at home with its mother, rather than go to a daycare. I think hubby thinks otherwise; he seems to think socializing him is a good thing. I don't disagree with it; I take him to a tumbling class once a week, and make playdates as much as I can, but kids in the old days made it, and seem to have less problems than those of our generation now, so really how bad can it be to stay at home with its mama. He's only 1.5 for goodness sake! I gave my husband an option, I have a side business with a partner, and he could take some money out, or I get a job. I declined one that was offered to me, since he said he could come up with the money. Well low and behold, he didn't, so now I am not going sure what is going to happen. I am filling out applications again, but am extremely disappointed. I feel as though I am losing my son! I am so jealous that someone else will get to raise him. I love that he gets everything he has from me. How much he learns and how he reacts to different situations my boy gets from me. What a wonderful opportunity to help shape a person, so they can have a successful fulfilling life! All entrusted to me. Now I have to send him to someone else who doesn't have the time, or care just the way I do to see how the outcome of his life will be. How disappointing.
Backtracking . . . a few years ago, before I started dating my husband. I was dating someone else. He was nice, took me everywhere with him, paid for most of my things, and loved to show me off. The problem is, is that the kiddie pool is only so deep. For as nice as he was, he smoked that much pot. Now I have never done this in my life, so our arrangement was that he never does it around me. That meant that he would do it before he would pick me up, in his garage when I was there, and (for example) at baseball games when I was waiting outside the car. And for as much as he drank, he was a bad drunk. Oh and did he mention he did not like me to voice my opinions. So yes, I could dress up and look pretty, keep my mouth shut, but was I happy? . . . not at all. The I started talking to my current husband. Now he cared about what I said, was more physically my type, but the problem with him was his job. If I chose to be with him, then I was choosing a harder life. So love or money was my choice. The funny thing is, is that I knew my husband didn't need me. He had his act together, and if I didn't choose him, then he would be fine and move on. The other one on the other side, not so much. He was extremely independent, and felt as though I made him a better person. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to be needed, but I can't always be the crutch. I needed someone to make me feel equal.
As you all know, I chose the cop. It was the best decision of my life. He is my soul mate, and I am the luckiest woman in the world. However, now is the hard part. Figuring out financially how to balance everything, so we don't keep digging to China. I want to keep my baby.
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